I thought I'd start the blog off on what will no doubt be a very contentious and controversial note - namely, one of the many rules I've dreamt up, or in this case, adapted, over the years. Do you remember the 1988 movie Cocktail? Well if you don't you might be too young for this blog, but even if you aren't its worth watching. In that movie, Douglas Coughlin had developed "Coughlin's Laws", so consider this to be "Daniels Laws". At least until I think of a catchier title.
And the First Law is: "People are stupid."
I borrowed that from Terry Goodkind, who added more to it in his book Wizards First Rule (of the Sword of Truth Series which I recommend you read until the end of Temple of the Winds or Soul of the Fire), but it suits my purposes just fine as stated.
So what does it mean?
You cannot, no matter how hard you try, get away from the distressing and soul crushing reality that 90% of the people walking this amazing, wonderous planet are doing so on auto-pilot. The lights are on, but nobodies home. Most people would rather be instructed, lead, or meander aimlessly around than risk the potential horror of actually thinking about anything.
Think of the people standing on a platform waiting for a train. The train pulls in on time. Immediately it becomes apparent that the crowd cannot understand the basic principles of self preservation, as they start pushing the "Door Open" button whilst the train is still moving. Do you really think the doors will open whilst its moving? Would you like to be the one standing by such a door whilst moving at 60 miles per hour?
They continue to press it when the train stops and looked shocked that it doesn't work, when there is a sign above it in big friendly letters saying "Press When Illuminated". Can you read? Its three words, really. Will pushing the button that many times somehow change the result? Do you know what the definition of madness is? Its performing the same action repeatedly and expecting a different result.
So now the doors are opening. There are people who need to get off the train, as you might expect, but the crowd surges forwards and crowds around the door, standing right in front of it, waiting for it to open. The passengers on board cannot, therefore, alight, and suddenly there are mutters and tuts about how inconvenient that is. Ladies and gentlemen, if you stood aside, perhaps the passengers would be able to get off the train so you can board. Perhaps if you allowed more than three inches of space for them to do so, you would be able to board quicker?
And so it goes.
Now there's a certain amount of vitriol in that example, as it is a pet hate of mine, but it illustrates examples you can see every day if you look; The person who presses the button on the traffic lights when its clearly already been pressed; The people on London escalators who cannot fathom what "Stand to the right" means; The man who looks baffled when asked whether his meal is OK; The woman who pushes onto a crowded tube carriage when another, empty train, will along in 2 minutes; The person who looks shocked that he's getting barged when he stops in the middle of a narrow doorway, or at the top of escalators; The man who stays on hold as a voice tells him he is calling Argos, and proceeds to ask the person who answers his call if this is the bank.
Simply put, once you understand the First Law, you begin to realise the advantage using that miracle of biology in your head can give you. Once you understand that people are stupid, you're already above them.
Though it doesn't often make you feel better.
